How to Write Sex
by James LynSex scenes can be intimidating for writers. Cultural taboos can get in the way of good research, and there is additional pressure in writing a scene which not only entertains readers, but is also arousing. As with any type of writing, research is important and can be relatively easy if you know where to look. There are also steps you can take beyond research when considering how explicitly to write an erotic scene.
Write What You Know, Even if You Don't Know It
The reason "write what you know" is so effective is that a writer with direct personal experience will be able to add details to the scene which an inexperienced writer might not know were relevant - or even possible. This is especially true of scenes with sexual orientations and genders other than the author's own, scenes with toy use, or BDSM. However, it isn't always possible, permissible, or advisable for an author to acquire experience with a particular scene before writing it. Fortunately, there are ways to research the activities involved to help ensure a sex scene is written well.Renting movies and reading erotica are two excellent ways to research sex scenes. Of the two, renting live-action movies is better than reading erotica, because you can see what is and is not physically possible. Written descriptions might be vague or even incorrect, but live action porn films rarely bother creating CGI characters who can do the impossible.
Conducting research into aspects of a sex scene is also easy to do online. Porn sites can crash your computer with viruses and adware, but there are non-porn sites with the kind of information you need. Stores which sell sex toys will often have pages about the use of those toys, and there are online communities for nearly every type of sexual fetish and kink. Many websites will also offer straight-forward educational information concerning their subject including safety issues, accessories used, and even information about the relevant sub-culture.
Informal conversations can also yield good, useful information and a variety of points of view about what constitutes good and bad sex. Different people are turned on by different things, and hearing about someone else's response to an activity can provide insight into writing a sex scene with that activity in it. People notice and remember different aspects of sex, such as whether or not there was enough light to see by, or whether there was ambient noise; it can be useful to realize what sorts of things might be included to appeal to a wider variety of readers. That said, friends won't appreciate having their personal lives show up in a sex scene, so try not to write what they say word for word.
The last method of research is, of course, to try out proposed scenes with a friend. (Or provide a draft to other friends who are willing to test out the logistics and report back.) This option isn't always available (or advisable), but it can be a good way to discover if your proposed sex scene is possible. For complicated sex scenes, it can be very easy to forget about the laws of physics, or to have one partner perform an action which only the Amazing Rubber Man could do.
Beyond Research
Regardless of what sort of sex scene you're writing, there are a few basic guidelines. The first is to decide on the target audience and write accordingly. Some readers like graphic, gritty sex scenes, while others prefer idealized or suggestive scenes. Specifically, some readers want all the details about bodily fluids, smells, and the need for hygiene and safe sex. Other readers want their erotica to do away with such things and offer sex where nothing smells and the need for condoms doesn't exist.There is a difference between a crude sex scene and a romantic one. An author needs to decide what sort of language he or she is going to use to convey the sex. Will you use curse words or anatomic terms? Slang or euphemisms? The language used is just as important as the realism and believability of the action described. Some readers are put off by the use of the word "dick" while others are put off by the word "penis." Sometimes it's possible to use neither, but don't go overboard with euphemisms. Words like "manhood" or "womanhood" are generally viewed as out-of-date for modern erotica. Adding adjectives to those words (such as "flowering womanhood" or "throbbing manhood") will most likely elicit giggles from the reader - which probably isn't the reaction you want.
A less-explicit sex scene can be just as effective and erotic as a graphic sex scene. Instead of detailing what body parts are doing what to whom, an author can leave the details to the readers' imaginations. The scene could focus on reactions to or feelings about what is being done. The sex can also fade-to-black before the details get too detailed, although if this is done too early readers might not feel as though they've read a sex scene at all.
One final consideration is that scenes can be erotic without being overtly sexual. Characters might not even get undressed or be in the same room. An erotic scene might have one character watching a partner's hands or mouth while performing non-sexual activities, drawing obvious parallels to sexual behaviors the first character could be performing. Focusing on the sensual aspects of a scene can also make it erotic and arousing without any actual physical sex.
Whatever route you chose to take, writing sex can be a lot of fun. It may seem difficult at first, but with practice and a little patience, it can be just as easy as writing every other part of the story.
© James Lyn
James Lyn has been writing fiction for nearly thirty years. Favorites include science fiction and horror, which is weird considering that he absolutely refuses to read or watch any horror. When not writing, he enjoys cooking, reading, and catching up on sleep.